Wednesday, July 19, 2006
it was the last night in camp.. almost asleep then there was a conversation going with a friend.
glenn: i dont remember what its like to sleep in the afternoon without having to be worried if someone catches you doing it.
me: i dont remember whats it like to be able to talk to people and you dont have to put up with stupidity or unreasonableness.
glenn: there was a time you never have to put a connotation beside your name everytime you write it.
me: Cpl Glenn, or whats it like to never have to report to anyone if you're feeling like staying home because you're sick.
glenn: i dont remember what it's like to have whatever you say taken seriously.
me: school... swoon.. i'm excited about finding out. it's my turn now.
glenn: yeah i know.. night..
ORD LOH.
Posted by Dominic at 2:45 PM
Thursday, July 13, 2006
i wake with a jolt. it's 630, soldier's habit. but what is this emotion that grips me, and cause me to bend over and curl forwards like a stroke and i cannot move. what is this emotion that i cannot name from some strange strata of human consciousness; my mind is able to think and articulate normally, unlike in anger or sadness. but my heart seems leaden, heavy it makes breathing difficult. it feels also like someone got hold of a thick stringe and injected into my heart with a viscous mixture of lava and sorrow. and with each beat, spreads itself inside me. doubled forward, i think. my cure is you. my body/i need you by my side.
i get this in the early mornings, when the mind is not yet awake. the day is just an evasion or a coverup. my mind tells me i dont need you lest i drown in sorrow.
Posted by Dominic at 6:51 AM
Monday, July 10, 2006
unit maintenance day. everyone had to clean the building. clear drains, sweep leaves, clean walls, hose the stairs.. etc. i and glenn were on the roof, assigned to pick up leaves that had fallen/accumulated over the years. there were a few saplings, but we let them be. how tough it must be growing on concrete already without having someone to pull you up roots and all. we thought they made the place greener after all. :p
we were on our hands and knees picking the leaves one by one, shirtless (might as well get a good tan), talking bout our past loves and a party we had upcoming weekend and then, looking all serious, he glanced over at me and said "do you think girls would ever date a leaf picker?" lol.
the irony was that we would never have such poignant army moments when we're off overseas and done with army.
Posted by Dominic at 7:48 PM
somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first rose
or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands
e. e. cummings
Posted by Dominic at 7:45 PM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
In a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to whoever
What it's like when you're shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Where people saying: "My God, that's tough"
"She stood him up"
"No point in us remaining"
"We may as well go home"
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally
To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to, who wouldn't do?
The role I was about to play?
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about God in His mercy
Who, if He really does exist,
Why did He desert me?
In my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally
Gilbert O'sullivant
heard this song playing on the bus.. i've heard it before in the past. it's incredibily sad and sing-a-long-ish.
Posted by Dominic at 10:39 PM